April

Again, April is a blur. A mess of school, work, school, sleep, sleep sleep. I was sleeping a lot so my friends wanted me to go out and socialize. I don't remember April. But I do know my next project began. Something my mom had done, was go back to college. She was about 9 credits short of graduating when she passed away. When I originally contacted ASU, I asked if they would give her an honorary degree. They told me "NO".

Much to my dismay I was pretty angry. I decided this was not an appropriate answer. I wrote a letter to the Dean, Governor, and other big wigs in the ASU community. I took a long time writing this letter and making sure once again it was perfect. Looking back, the theme of my life stated to be perfect and angry. I sent this letter along with 700 signatures and probably some other stuff too. Then I sent it in to wait. My main point of this letter was to tell them who my mom was and that she had worked in the field of child development for 28 years, I reasoned with them that the experiences she had in the real world and the work place, is what led to her knowledge of children, not what she could sit and reiterate on a test from text books. She deserved this! 

During this time, my night activities also progressed. In my mind, this is what normal 23 year old people did. Partied until 4 am. I think some other 23 year olds didn't have a major emotional trauma going on. I kept it cool for now but the clinginess started. I created this world where I didn't ever want to be left alone. I didn't care who was at my house or sleeping over, As long as I didn't have to be alone. Being alone meant that I had to think about everything and my mind wasn't ready to rest. I knew that I wasn't processing everything. I would cry all night in my sleep. I gained a bunch of weight and on my off time, I would sleep. In retrospect, it wasn't abnormal. I had my day from 7-5 pretty jammed packed with work and school. I would fall asleep around 5:30 wake up at 8:30 and go back to sleep.

 

Jump ahead to summer- JUST for a second. I was sitting in my back yard and the phone rang. I answered it....It was ASU, the lady on the phone told me some good news. She said that ASU had decided to give my mom the degree. I burst into tears. "OK, OK, OK" Thank you!!! I called my grandma and could barely spit it out. She was very happy too!  One more task down, one less thing to keep my mind occupied. 

I was elated that my mom was given her degree. I also was proud that I challenged the Education system at ASU basically telling them that they way they educate people is not effective and needs to be changed, I feel with them agreeing to give her the degree, they agreed with the fact that there are issues and flaws within the educational system. Lauren 1 traditional education 0...

April and May came and went. I passed all my classes and now all I had to do was work. As my tasks and responsibilities left my head, my emotional state stated to get a little more ridiculous. My need to always be with someone grew. Again, I didn't care who it was as long as I didn't have to be alone. My anxieties rose, my tiredness grew. I would fall asleep at my desk for short periods of time. I would wake up and go back to work. I was disorientated most of the time, sick and in physical pain. My family started to wonder if I was depressed. I said "No, helloooo, havent you seen what has been going on?" I think one of my turning points is when I decided to go out in the middle of the work week. I NEVER did this. We stayed up all night .... still going strong. I wasn't as worried as everyone else around me.