The double side of me

So after a few hard weeks of work and learning and no play at all...I have realized a few hard lessons about life and myself. Some of which were only compounded by the fact that I just know myself and some that even though I am impeccably smart, were new lessons to myself.

I struggle with myself between my heart and my head. A piece of me wants to be funny and fun, irresponsible and well liked and the other side of me wants to be all serious and looked at professionally, responsible and someone who makes hard decisions, might be a little bit of a hard ass etc etc. But over all, I think I want both and on top of everything to ultimately be respected! Its not that hard. I have put together a list of little "epiphany moments"

1. I have been through tragedy. Hard core BS tragedy that took my moms life and left me swimming in a ship wreck with sharks. I know better but I still let little things bring me to an ultimate stress level--- I don't know why but I think it has to do with my urge to be a "perfect person" that if things aren't simple, it stresses me out- DUMB! I have to get some control over my stress levels, because one its not good for the heart and 2. if I keep stress eating mounds and mounds of wheat thins at work, my tummy is only going to get softer, and bigger again - and NO THANK YOU!
2. When you stick up for yourself and stop being the ultimate enabler, that people take notice and will listen to your point, and SOMETIMES even concede. I was always told that I should be a lawyer but Eh
3. I am a lady dammit! So even though, I have 3 brothers, can take a dirty joke, be stubborn, and fight like a man. I am a lady. SO please, Never be late, don't text me all early in the am and expect anything from me and just know that I want to be pursued, I am not into being the pitcher. Throw me a ball and I take a chance that it I hit a home run and not a line drive.
4. People are out for themselves, so why shouldn't I be? Egomaniacs, people who hide behind their children, people who only care about money, you suck! but you don't bother me.
5. I am going great places in this world. It makes me think of a book that Kelly and Tim love got me for my graduation "Oh the places you'll go"- by Dr. Suess. I always thought of these books as fun rhyming words but read the book. I am going to be more amazing than I am now. I know this so watch out world because I am a pretty cool
6. I love love love Karaoke. So I have realized that I don't need to "get professional" I really just need to have fun with it. I love show tunes and choir songs - Ima dork I know this
7. I am surrounded by really great people ---but I gotta let them in.
8. Sometimes I move to fast for others. Its OK....I know this about myself. But I should slow down a bit
9. I am smart! and business savoy. Therefore, I can have a voice and make sound decisions. I know this and others are noticing too- this is pretty cool
10. I can be both of what I listed above. Just like my mom- something I swore I would never be....I bought my grandma a gift last night and I said to Gigi "she will say this is something your mom would buy me"

Overall, this ridiculous few weeks has been good. Good for me. Boring for my social life. But what I have learned is exponential! So now to pack in some fun before I go to Cali for school this summer and maybe I shouldn't plan trips to the zoo and catalina Island and the OC...cause school is work but maybe I will go to the zoo and the islands and maybe even Disney Land.

:)