Another transitional phase is going on here. All year I waited and waited until I get to come back to Sunny California and finally here I am. We sit in class from 8 – 4:30 in order to review review review. We go over the redundant yet important information and I find myself checked out, mentally and physically. I worry about a lot of things – I think it is in my nature. I am worried about the kids at school, who is closing up, how the days are going, what the workers are doing. I worry. I miss my nieces like crazy and the rest of the world too I guess. Last Sunday I packed everything from my fake hair to my hand sewn baby materials, exhaustively hopped in my car with my brother and cousin and we lollygagged our way to California. Already I have had a few new experiences.
1. Being stopped at my hotel room by a security guard to ask if I needed help to get away from these men talking to me through a window (my brother and cousin)
2. Walking up to random people on the beach and asking if we can join- maybe it’s me but you don’t walk up to strangers and start conversations, especially if they look like they will kill you
3. Ate at a Mexican restaurant masked as a fried chicken joint.
4. Went off schedule. I am a schedule girl, without a schedule, I tend to “freak out”
Amongst other things I have done, I have finally unpacked and have also become the most messy unorganized person I know. Another uncharacteristic trait in me that I didn’t know I have.
So today I received a text message. Not from just any friend saying hello…which I do not get or give much these days, but from Lauren M. The third Lauren I have in my life. These messages contained pictures of our sunflowers. Besides missing my nieces and worrying about work, when I left to finish school. I was most concerned with missing these flowers grow. The children planted these seeds in February and Ms. Lauren let me know today that the flowers are taller than the roof. Last week when I left, they were a few feet shy; not all the flowers were in bloom and it was sort of a waiting game. Today was the day! The flowers are blooming and the trees are growing tall.
In a silly way, I relate to these flowers. There have been lots of changes in my family, with my friends, and in my professional life. I have 2 new nieces, as we have heard about before and new bonds with good friends and looser bonds on others, and work well is work. It is good and important. Each day, I learn a little bit more about my mother as a woman and the work she did. This is painful and meaningful but also very stressful. However, I do believe the path to Heaven is paved in sacrifice. When my mom died, her one worry is that I would follow on her path. I didn’t understand what that meant but I think I do now or at least a little part of that. My journey however, is not hers. I am seen in our small Montessori community know as someone to be recognized and I am not going to lie, that feels good. BUT it is tiring, as one fire is put out, another one is ignited. Typically it doesn’t bother me so much because I do feed off drama but I am not liking it so much.
Once I checked into my hotel room, I could feel all the resentment, anger, misplaced anger and crappy people wash away. This is 7 weeks for me.
One of the reasons I love this course about the Montessori Philosophy and form of education is because it allows you to look deep into yourself. You have a better understanding of the world around you and it helps because you have to start from the young child. You have to become a whole person before you can work with children. Anyone can be a parent, and I have seen plenty who personally I do not think knows their foot from their face but it takes a different type of person to work with children. A teacher must be prepared at all times, full of knowledge, patience, and consistency. If the teacher does not have that then they fail the child.
Yesterday in class we sat and talked and talked and listened and surfed the web. A few interesting points came up:
· The philosophy that we are learning about is common sense.
· Do not live through, interject, or give un needed help to the child- you are stopping their natural educational process. Education is not only about academics, it is everything else in the world too.
· There is a fine line between giving into wants and needs, discipline and correction, and giving incorrect knowledge to children.
It’s funny to me because I come here for my education, and yet all I can do is think about “my kids” at home. What are they doing? What are they watching? Etc etc. I came here to better myself, and in turn I have been given the opportunity to help the most important people: The children.
As adults, we get into routines, and schedules. We stay away from our friends and family because a variety of reasons and make up excuses to why we do not want to see them. We lie to ourselves and are afraid to hear the truth; we forget to give to ourselves, because we become a slave to the almighty dollar. I know personally that after a 12 hour work day, I am left saying I have no more to give or I do not understand “WHY” these things are happening. But really I haven’t taken the time to look or to care.
When you don’t understand something then open a book, send a message and seek the truth.
